Chasing a Dream: A Full Night's Sleep

I will begin this post by warning you that this is a touchy subject and you will probably get way more details and information than you really need... but I need to tell my story... so here it goes....

Our daughter, Audrey, is 18 months old. Here she is:



She's cute. She's so girly and feminine. She is spunky and already has a lot of attitude and personality. She gives crusties on demand these days:



and we think she's hilarious. She has been an amazing addition to our lives. She has been a good baby. I think all babies are good, but what I mean is she's been relatively easy, I think. She has been right on track developmentally, and so far, she's been good at making transitions. She's active and playful and a ton of fun. We can only hope that this new one:



will be just as wonderful and just as much fun. We are so excited for Audrey's little brother to join our family - in just a little over a month. With this new boy on the way, there has been a lot to do. One of those things is to help Audrey make the transition from sleeping in her crib to sleeping in a "big girl bed". I had read somewhere that if you are making the transition because a new baby is on the way, it's best to get the older sibling adjusted about a month before the new baby is born so there isn't a sense that the older one is being kicked out or replaced by the new baby. Who knows if such things are true? It seems to make sense on some levels... so last week we moved all of Audrey's things into her new room with her big girl bed, and Monday night was her first night "sleeping" in it. And so far, it has been a long week! Here are the play by plays on each night. (As you read, if you notice anything that we should do differently, things that have worked for you, I would welcome any suggestions you may have!)

Monday, Night #1:
We did everything as usual for her bedtime routine: a bath, some milk, quiet play, brushing teeth, vitamins, and then we laid her down in her new bed and quietly left the room (this is exactly what we've done with her when she was in her crib - and she never had a hard time going to bed and falling asleep on her own in her crib). We've also always just closed her bedroom door at night, but we felt since she can get in and out of bed on her own now, we didn't want to shut her in - so instead of shutting the door, we put up a child's gate in her doorway and closed the door, but kept it ajar so she didn't feel like we were exiling her or abandoning her in her room. Well, the instant I had closed her door most of the way and closed our bedroom door, Audrey was already at the gate, in the doorway of her room, crying. We decided to give her 10 minutes to see if she would calm herself down. No luck. I went into her room and laid down next to her and calmed her down by singing her favorite primary songs and cuddling with her. And she was calm, but every time I tried to move or even shift my position, she would frantically grab for me. So, then I decided that maybe I'd just lay with her until she fell asleep and then quietly sneak away... it took about 45 minutes for this to happen, but I was finally able to extricate myself from her and slither out of her room without her waking. Victory!

It was a very short-lived victory. When I got to our room, I remembered I had some clothes in the washer that needed to be put in the dryer - so I went downstairs to do that. While I was doing that, I heard Audrey start crying again - she must've heard me going down our stairs (we have hard-wood floors and some are kind of squeaky). When I got back upstairs, Adam had taken over my position, and was laying next to her, softly humming songs. It took him about 45 minutes as well for Audrey to finally fall asleep enough to allow him to leave without disturbing her. And this time she stayed asleep... until about 2:30am. She stood at the gate in her doorway and wailed for about 10 minutes before I got up to comfort her. I laid with her and calmed her down for about 20 minutes - and then I started to feel sick, like I was going to throw up, as that inevitability became clear, I took her into Adam so I could hurry to the bathroom. When I was done, Adam was back in bed with Audrey trying to get her to fall asleep again. I fell asleep, only to find out the next morning that Adam had just slept in Audrey's bed with her because every time he tried to move, she would wake up. None of us got very high quality sleep that night.

Tuesday, Night #2:
All day Tuesday I was filled with anxious thoughts, questioning if this was the right decision, if Audrey was really ready to make the transition. Then, her normal naptime came around and she took a nap just fine in her big girl bed and I had a burst of optimism. And night #2 was great! We did her normal bedtime routine, I laid her in bed with her favorite stuffed animal and blanket and quietly left the room, closing the door most of the way behind me. This time it took a minute for her to get out of bed and make her way to the gate in her doorway. She cried there for 3 minutes, and then the sound of her cry moved to where her bed is and she cried from there for another 3 minutes before stopping and falling asleep. A mini miracle! The next, slightly bigger miracle was that she stayed asleep until 6:30am! I was so excited! I would've been more excited if it had been until closer to 8:00am, but I was just thrilled she didn't wake up in the middle of the night.

Wednesday, Night #3:
I was hopeful that night #3 would be similar to #2. In some ways it was. In others, not so much. It began like night #2. I put her in bed and left the room. She came to her gated doorway and cried for 2 minutes before going back to her bed and falling asleep. Hallelujah! But then Adam got home from his POST class, and Haiku (our obnoxious Pug) was so excited that the noise from her toenails tap-dancing on our wood floors woke Audrey up. I was not pleased. And Audrey definitely was not pleased. She cried at her door for about 15 minutes before moving to her bed, where she cried for another 5 minutes before falling asleep. She stayed asleep until about 2am when she was up again to cry at her doorway. I waited 10 minutes before I went in to calm her down and help her go back to sleep. I laid with her, holding her close and singing songs, until she fell asleep and then I would try to move, and she would wake up and get panicky about me trying to leave, so the process would start all over again. This went on for a little over an hour. Then I decided that I didn't want to start a worse habit (Audrey feeling like she needs to have me or Adam sleep with her) and that it may just be necessary for her to cry herself to sleep and learn to self soothe better so that she doesn't rely on one of us always being there in the middle of the night. So, I told her it was sleepy time and that I was going to leave the room, and that I loved her. I gave her a kiss, tucked her in and quietly left the room. Immediately, she was in her doorway protesting my decision with sobs and tears. She cried for 10 minutes before Adam couldn't take it anymore and went to "take a turn". He ended up sleeping the rest of the night with Audrey.

Thursday, Night #4:
Thursday morning I talked to Adam about not wanting to let Audrey get used to us going in and sleeping with her. Obviously, she wants one of us with her. She feels safe, comfortable, and secure when we're right next to her... but that will only make it harder to break the habit later. Adam agreed. His only concern was that it's so hard to fall back asleep after being awaken by her crying that he wasn't sure what to do other than responding to her so that we can all get back to sleep sooner. I suggested that maybe he could sleep downstairs until Audrey is adjusted better - and since I don't have a problem falling back asleep, I would take care of Audrey and hopefully help her build her sleeping skills. I am naturally a gifted sleeper - it's one of my hidden talents.

Thursday night went well, at first. I laid her down and left the room. This time she didn't even make a peep or move from her bed. She fell asleep soon after I left the room! She only slept for about 15 minutes, woke up and cried for 3 minutes - staying in her bed - but then fell back asleep. Not too bad. This time I also kept Haiku outside until after Adam returned from his POST class so Haiku wouldn't make so much noise and wake up Audrey. It worked! Audrey slept!

Until 3:04am when she must've decided she was lonely, so she cried at her doorway until 3:15am when I went in to comfort her. (Adam took that as his cue to go downstairs and sleep - guessing that it might be a very long - and loud - night for Audrey.) I laid down with her and sang to her and then I told her I was going to leave and that she would stay in her bed because it was still sleepy time. I left her room at 3:25am, she came to the doorway a minute or so later and cried for 8 minutes and then went to her bed and cried another 2 minutes before falling asleep on her own. YAY! Then, she woke up at 3:56am and came to her doorway and started to cry again. This time I decided I would give her 25 minutes before getting up to comfort her. She cried the whole time. I went in and picked her up and held her close while I swayed her gently. I told her that I was so sorry she was having such a hard time sleeping in her new bed, but that I wanted to help her be a good sleeper, so I wasn't going to lay down with her, but that I would stay with her for a few minutes and sing a few songs and then I would lay her down and I would sleep in my bed. So, I swayed with her and sang to her, and then I laid her down. She stayed in her bed for 2 minutes before coming to her doorway. She cried for 5 minutes in the doorway and then for 3 minutes in her bed before falling asleep... for the rest of the night. So, from about 4:48am until 8:00am, we all slept fabulously! Yay!

I feel like we definitely made some progress last night. I wasn't in Audrey's room with her nearly as long as I had been on the other nights. Audrey returned to her bed without me putting her back in, and she fell asleep without one of us right next to her. Hopefully, the amount of times she wakes in the middle of the night diminishes and the length of time she cries will decrease as well. I want to be optimistic and hope that she will be sleeping through the night in the next week or two. We'll make the dream of a full night's sleep a reality!